Things I'm Thankful For

• GOD
• The roof over my head.
• Parents that love me.
• A brother who I love.
• A dog, two cats, and a fish.
• The ability to see, hear, smell, touch, and taste.
• The ability to do what makes me happy.
• My education.
• My past.
• My future.
• Pain killers.
• Freedom.
• A body that allows me to dance.
• Vocal chords that allow me to sing.
• A mind that allows me to think.
• Adults who treat me as one of their own.
• A heart to love.
• My bed.
• Music.
• Friends that I can rely on for anything.
• A real best friend.
• Tap shoes.
• Anyone who has ever taught me anything.
• Janet Miller.
• Allison Fox.
• 10 toes to point.
• 10 finger nails to paint.
• Medical insurance.
• Alarm clocks.
• Growing up in a stable home.
• My church family.
• Rice Krispie Treat Cakes.
• Benadryl.
• Albuterol.
• Respiratory Therapists.
• Walt Disney.
• People who invented the things I can't live without today.
• Musical theater.
• Golden State Children's Theater Company.
• Fleece.
• Electric blankets.
• Water.
• Cameras.
• Flowers.
• Babies.
• Musical instruments.
• High school arts departments.
• Talent.
• Rain.
• Jacuzzis.
• People who make me stronger.
• Passion.
• 3 meals a day.
• Shoes.
• People I look up to.
• The opportunities I have had.
• The problem's I've encountered.
• Freckles.
• Bubbles.
• Blue hair dye.
• Patches.
• Hoodies.
• Shopping.
• Little things that make a huge difference.
• The ability to change someone's life.
• Smiling.
• Electricity.
• Determination.
• People believing in me.

I am so tired..

Of being angry. But people always seem to piss me off. I was actually over being angry until you had to come out of nowhere and fuck it all up. There is a reason I kicked you out of my life so please stay there. I know you used me for everything. You know you fucked with my head. You know you left me tired, confused, angry, and with a million walls up. And you love every moment of it. Fuck you. Yes, Mommy and Daddy pay for my education, but at least I'm getting an education you fat, useless, waste of space. I can honestly say that I have never hated anyone until you. I hate you. I hope you burn in hell.

Promises, promises.

I'm so angry with you. Everything you ever said to me was a lie. Everything. And you know what? That's not even why I'm angry. I'm more sad over the fact that you lied to me. I'm angry at you because you are going back to what's easy. I'm angry at you for not taking a chance. I took a chance on you. I took a chance with my parents. I took a chance with everyone around me. And you gave up. I don't know if you got scared, or if I'm to much of a hassle, or whatever your reasoning was. But I'm just frustrated that I took down walls, listened to criticism, and stood up for you, and you still walked away. But whatever. Obviously you still think you can learn something from your past. And you can, the lesson here is "history repeats itself." Have fun learning that lesson, it's a great one. And I would say "Have fun finding yourself!" but we all know thats not what your intentions are now. 

All of my friends are saying "Don't worry Becca, you'll find someone better." You were supposed to be the better one. You promised me you would be the better one. But look where we ended up? You made promises you couldn't keep. And that's what is killing me. I never expected any of those promises, you did that all on your own. But you couldn't do it.

And now I can't find the strength I need.

It's hard to see the fear inside 
As I walk away from you 
And distance overcomes the miles 
As slowly I pull through 
And I cannot reach the world today 
'cause I'm suffering from you 
And the more I think, the more I cry 
As I walk away from you 

I'm two steps away 
From loneliness 
I'm awake 
From the mess we made 
I'm alive 
And I'm feeling incomplete 

I don't understand my life 
Or the version that chose you 
And the warring hearts and winter came 
Now there's nothing left to do 
And I cannot reach the world today 
'cause I'm suffering from two 
And the more I think, the more we die 
As I walk away from you 


I'm two steps away 
I'm two steps away 
I'm two steps away 
I'm two steps away 

Two steps away 
Two steps away 
From loneliness 
I'm awake 
From the mess we made 
I'm alive 

Two steps away 
Two steps away 
Two steps away