Well, It's Not Hard To Fall...

When you float like a cannonball. 

I've been having a hard time determining dream from reality lately. I feel like I have really vivd dreams and I sometimes believe that those things actually happened. Doesn't sound so bad right? Well, when you dream about someone you can't have, it sort of sucks. "Every so often we long to steal to the land of what might have been. But that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in." Yes, that's from Wicked. But it's true. For the past couple days i've been having dreams that I honestly feel are real. And on the other side of that, sometimes things happen and I feel like I dreamt them. You know when you are trying to remember a dream and you see everything but it's like there is a cloud around the details and the entire picture is just out of reach? That happens to me sometimes now when I try to recall something that happened only an hour ago. Am I loosing my memory? Am I just living in a daze? Or do I subconsciously wish that my reality was a dream that I can wake up from?

Now, I'm not complaining saying that my life is horrible and I want to kill myself. I know there are people who have it worse than I do. But lately I have been upset. Lately things have not been going the way I wish they had, and now I have all this time to think. And now I don't know how to handle myself. I need to figure myself out. I need to know what makes me happy, what makes me cry, how I deal with things, and where the hell I'm supposed to be in this life. 

The things that used to make me happy no longer do, and I feel like crying all the time. (If you are reading this, you know who you are, this isn't about you. Promise.) Anyway, I don't know how to handle my emotions very well and I often let them get bottled up and we all know that is not good for anyone. I need strength, guidance, and most of all, prayer. Please keep me in your prayers. I know I will be out of this funk soon, but until then, I apologize if I am anti-social, or quiet, or just not myself. Thanks to those who are there for me, and thanks to those who keep me in their prayers. I really appreciate it.

Stones taught me to fly. Love taught me to lie. Life taught me to die.

Well it's not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball.