I've figured it out.

I am so angry at him for promising not to hurt me, and hurting me anyway. I am so frustrated at myself for being an idiot and believe he wouldn't hurt me and taking down my walls when he asked me to. And I am so sad that I am back where I was a few months ago. Hurt, and broken, and angry. I spent a long time being angry at someone who is a douche bag that will never amount to anything. I'm not about to make that mistake again. But, I mean, I did think that I wouldn't make the mistake of allowing myself to get hurt again, clearly that didn't work out. I had a good thing going, maybe we weren't on the same page. And maybe I fucked it all up by pushing for commitment from him. Truth is, I wanted the commitment from him because I needed to know that he wanted me. I felt threatened by her. And now I know I had reason to think that way. No matter how much he says it isn't the reason, I know it is. Whatever. I'm done crying about it. I'm done worrying about it. I'm done thinking about it. I'm on to bigger and better things.

Speaking of bigger and better things. I've finally decided to declare a major. Liberal Studies. That way I can be an elementary school teacher. And I think I'm going to minor in dance. That is, if I get in. Dance majors and minors have to audition at my school, I hope I make it. But if I minor in dance, then I can teach dance at either a school or a studio. So hopefully I made the right decision. In all aspects of my life.

Well that's my rant for today.

"At night I dream about you and hope I don't wake up.

Because waking up without you is like drinking from an empty cup."